An “anxious” Norfolk Mummy

I’ve never written about my anxiety but I’ve been thinking about it for a long time. It’s quite a personal thing to announce to the world but I think the more you talk about something the easier it gets. So here I go . . . 

I’ve suffered on and off with anxiety for most of my adult life, but it really started to affect me 4 years ago. I suffered with panic attacks for about a year and a half but I haven’t had a major one now for a good couple of years. I found one of the hardest things was explaining to my family how I felt, I always though if they could understand then maybe they could help or be a bit more patient, and I was right! I’ve written this so hopefully I can help others in the same situation. 

Ever wondered what a panic attack feels like? Wanted to explained to someone you love what it feels like but never be able to? 

This is what it feels like in the moment when I’m having a panic attack: 

“I feel so alone but there’s a room full of people and I just want to run away. Everyone’s looking at me, nobody care’s or notice’s that the room is closing in on me and my heart is about to explode out of my chest my eyes are welling up and I’m fighting back the tears. I clench my jaws to stop me from bursting into tears, I must look miserable people must think ‘she’s a miserable bitch’ if only they knew I felt like I was drowning like my heart could beat right out of my chest. 

My breathing gets shallow, I feel like i can’t breathe, I’m going to pass out!”

So this is what’s going on in my head when I have a panic attack, i know this is not how people think of me but at that moment in time that’s how it feels. 
It might be similar for someone you love. If you know someone with anxiety ask them what you can do to help when they are feeling like this, for me just a simple hold of my hand or an arm around my shoulder (before I got to the shallow breathing I’m going to pass out stage) would make me so much better.

Even if this helps just one person to explain how they are feeling to someone they love it will be worth it!


What have we done. . . How can I look after two babies? 

Ok so I’m having a little freak out, Christmas is over and my head is now full of EVERYTHING that needs doing before baby no. 2 is born in March.

To name a few that I still need to do: finish packing hospital bag, wash all Samuel’s old clothes, buy new clothes that are season appropriate, buy a car seat, fit car seat, de clutter the whole house ( because how are we going to fit another human in our little 2 bed semi), decorate our bedroom ( as this where baby will sleep for maybe up to a year?!).
All while my back feels like it is being punched by a heavyweight boxer, I feel constantly sick and every time I go up and down the stairs I end up having to have a 5 min rest because I’m so out of breath!

So this is what’s going round and round in my head at the moment, not to mention what am I actually going to do when the baby actually gets here. How am I going to split my time between a newborn and a toddler? Will Samuel accept the new baby? Will the housework ever get done? Will people think I’m a slob because the housework hasn’t been done? How am I even going to be able to leave the house with two children in tow?
Isn’t it crazy how many questions can be going round in your head
So for all the people who keep saying ‘are you excited?’ Of course I am but I am also quite concerned about the above!
Now I’ve had a chance to breathe and write down what I’m feeling, i know it will be ok. I may not get out of the house or even my pjs some days, the washing might pile up and the ironing will certainly pile up. But I will do the best for my boys and my husband and try not to stress too much when the housework doesn’t get done. ( I did say too much!!)
How did you manage when you went from one to two children ? If anyone has any tips please comment below 🙂